Millions of Indian women have by and large grown to accept spousal violence and worse still, being subjected to humiliation and indignity which cripple them mentally. Afraid of the law, men may not commit acts of violence, says Dr Sandhya of the Hyderabad-based Progressive Organization for Women. "But they put psychological pressure on the woman, which is worse."

"The woman might be deprived of food, education, opportunities to grow," adds Chaitanya, chairperson of the Hyderabad Women's Collective. "An atmosphere of fear is created. In such situations the woman loses her dignity and self-confidence and needs urgent help."

According to the Crime Records Bureau of the Union home ministry, of the nearly 1.35 lakh cases of crime committed against women every year, almost 37 per cent are cases of domestic violence. This means 50,000 women are abused by a family member every year. And these are just the reported cases.

In Delhi, the helplessness and legal aid canter of the Delhi Commission for Women record an average 222 cases of domestic violence every six months; problems relating to "marriage and family"-a euphemism for cases which are not reported under section 498 (a) dealing with cruelty and dowry harassment, but referred for counseling number 2,273 for the same period. In Mumbai, the social service branch set up by the city police in 1984 to protect women against atrocities, lists 121 cases of dowry-related mental and physical harassment from October 1 to December 31, 2001.

It took Rinkie Bhattacharya, daughter of legendary filmmaker Bimal Roy, 18 years to go public about the torturous life she led with director-husband Basu Bhattacharya. "In most cases, the women are reduced to such a battered state of mind that they scarcely come out of their shell to speak up against the abuse," she says.

Then there are women-especially those belonging to the middle and upper middle classes-who keep quiet for the sake of the family's image. "Maintaining family dignity has been dinned into women in the socializing process," says counselor Aruna Reddy of Hyderabad. Annie Matthew, a lawyer running Ashish, a legal aid centre in Secunderabad, believes domestic violence could start from childhood. "Right from the time they start saying you are a girl and give boys preferential treatment," she says.

In Rinke's case, the Women's Centre, a Mumbai-based NGO, came to her aid. Ammu Abraham, its managing trustee, emphasizes the importance of counseling and several rounds of discussion with the husband and in-laws. "Generally, we have found that when the perpetrator of violence finds that his victim is not alone and that she has sources of support other than himself, it has a sobering effect on him," says Ammu.

Most social workers and counselors agree that the number of domestic violence cases has increased, but attribute it to the growing realization among women that they have to fight back. According to psychiatrist Poornima Nagaraja of Hyderabad, while there is more domestic violence among the lower class where it is accepted and among the upper class where it is swept under the carpet, what we get to see is only the emerging middle class because here the value systems have changed tremendously whereas the societal systems have not.
According to Ali Asghar, executive secretary of the Confederation of Voluntary Agencies (COVA), which runs a counseling and reconciliation cell in the old city of Hyderabad and has a predominantly Muslim clientele, more Muslim women are now speaking out about domestic violence. In 2001, COVA handled 276 cases, of which 90 per cent were settled amicably.

"Men have not been able to come to terms with the fact that women have become more independent," says Anjali Rai, chairperson of the Delhi Commission for Women. "Their expectations are just the same as their father's. They beat up their wives for reasons ranging from less salt in their food, to an unstitched button." According to her, often the struggle for power between the sexes at the work place has its impact at home.